Still I am Still

Crashing into savage waves, letting them toss me around as if I was but a mere feather.

Limbs stretched in weird angles, underwater currents pushing me through landscapes of volcanic rocks.

Sharp edged, rough stones.

Not resisting it, as even drifting is taxing enough.

Taking advantage of this push and pull to dive through the stones, spying on its colorful inhabitants.

Following a rhythm, synchronized with the Thassaloma fish; as we were all swimming, for the sake of swimming.

Surrendering to the intensity of the moment, clearing me of every bit of rigidity I may have left.

***

Standing, perched up on a peak, sweaty, exhausted and thirsty. Feet full of blisters. But it didn't matter.

Few gulps of fresh water were the only relief for an aching body.

Filling not only my gut but also the limbs, fingers, chest, head.

Muscles. Skin. Pores.

Everything.

An electric shot, progressing through the body, refreshing it.

The last beam of a setting sun

travels through the retina,

saturating my vision with hues of Fire, Merigold and Tangerine,

stimulating the tear glands.

I have never considered how colors can have such a quenching effect.

I've been thirsty for something to move me out of my stern, sterile composure.

This sense, I thought, it reminded me of you, in a way.

Bidding farewell to an old flame, knowing that come tomorrow, I will see you once more.

-And more -

-And more-

I will watch you rise and so I shall rise with you,

letting you quench my thirst for beauty,

letting you warm me up, feet, face, hands, the whole.

Inside - out.

Cold, veiled nights, tinted with blinking, white grains.

Eyes, shining down upon me.

How many years have you traveled, celestial beam?

For how long have you been watching me, unaware of you, and

forever worshipping you in the past.

Silent. Eerie.

This sense, I thought, it reminded me of you, in a way.

Brimming, yet never overwhelming.

You shine in a very odd way.

Just sitting there, eyes wide open.

Staring at nothing in particular.

Immersed, but not in thoughts, at least, not this time.

It is a soothing sensation, not following any line of reasoning.

From the outside, it seems as if spaced out.

Yet I'm here. I'm still here.

I can see you with the corner of my eye. I can hear you. Your footsteps. You, busying yourself with common tasks.

Things to do...

Things to do.

I can hear the tiniest details of your movements, aware of them.

Still, I am still. At ease.

Just taking it in, being mindful of the environment.

Having that space to consciously choose responses, if necessary. Weighing in the options.

Taking it one step, at -

But still, will I ever know what the best possible course of action is?

Or will I go in a hunch, as usual?

A calm mind is a clear mind.

A calm mind is a strong mind.

But is strength measured in the way one may stand one's ground,

Or is that just plain stubbornness?

Or is it the way one may let all the external data -

Their opinions, their attitude towards you and the world, their daily thoughts, and them, talking about those, their expectations, their actions, their way of reasoning,

their resonance,

Their moods, and those, swinging,

Their levels of comprehension on different topics, concepts. Events.

Ripples...

... How we may let all of those go right through.

Without boundaries.

Shells, boxes, bubbles, walls, cages.

These are like double - edged swords.

They keep any threat at bay but they also hinder growth (either up, or out of -, or into -)

Keeping us locked inside.

Trapped. Paralyzed by fear.

An open attitude opens doors.

Real, genuine people are out there,

just a little way outside of your body, there.

Those who lend a helping hand, without you having to ask.

People with whom you could get along, without even speaking the same language.

People who offer you a piece of their land, to plant your seeds.

This, I thought. Is community.

Giving without expecting anything in return. Responding to a simple gesture.

And no, it doesn't have to do with a common ideology.

It's not a shared world view.

It is that space that transcends personal convictions.

It is sharing.

Hearing each other out.

It has to do with actions leading to a favorable outcome to all parties involved. (preferably in harmony with nature)

Sharing oneself, no withholding.

Withholding breeds resentment.

Resentment breeds separation.

Separation breeds a society of ashamed, guilt - ridden victims.

And for each victim (by the rule of life) there is an aggressor.

Again, it is a choice.

Watching without judging.

Not feeling guilty anymore. For anything.

Better, filling in those gaps with understanding and compassion.

- Easier said than -

Sure.

The point is to consider.

Always consider, if it adds up or not.

Consider this dialectic. Don't accept it.

Produce your own, the way you like it.

However it may be.

For the sake of no one else, but for (One) Self.