There has to be a clear distinction between “messing up” and having learned a lesson. The two are not parts of the same process. These are two distinct ways of framing human thought.
People repeat the same mistakes that ruined their childhood, their relationships, eventually, their whole life. We have all been there at least for a while. And we go around in loops, we get into similar situations, with slight variations. And every time we subconsciously choose the same outcome.
And we perpetuate the same blunder, and after each we beat ourselves up. As if somehow we forgot. But it is a lack of in-depth understanding of terminology, and most importantly of acceptance and humility.
Then we can also look at it as if it was homework. The difference is in attitude. We come here with a set of lessons we chose to learn. Having that in mind we are enabled to experience every emotion to the fullest. Without shame. Be grateful you were met by such circumstances.
How else will you get to know yourself? Give you an example, a common one: Jealousy. I chose this because we have all experienced it at some point to some degree. It is nasty, and somehow we were fooled into thinking it is a natural response. It is, but it isn’t. Carefully examine it.
And it works like an elastic band, keeps springing back. You thought you got it sorted out but turns out you haven’t. You are tested again and again. Until you finally learn your lesson. And ironically, these lessons are counter rational. It is tricky, but look at it!
Not the one that sometimes you have it sometimes you don’t... It is courage. To open up and expand your awareness. And become alert.
If you manage to open up to the level that your heart cannot be “broken” anymore, you’ve got it. You have unlearned a common social tool that extinguishes joy.
And so the point of this is not even to change one’s perspective to from this to that. But to be open to possibilities.
Once we see the difference, there is no going back.
As such hardship becomes a tool for self-reflection and expansion.